Wedding Recap Pt 2: The Essential Elements

Throughout the wedding planning process, we had a lot of difficulty deciding how to structure our events. Every wedding site or blog we went to had a different perspective, and we quickly became overwhelmed with options. It was very important to us that everything in our wedding had meaning. We didn't want to do anything just because you are "supposed" to. At the beginning of the process, we worried about looking back on our wedding and regretting aspects or decisions we made. We wanted to be sure we didn't ever look back at the pictures and think, "That was foolish!" or "That was pointless" or "Why didn't we include such and such?" But we quickly realized that trying to plan a timeless wedding is silly in itself. Our wedding will be linked to what we were thinking, experiencing, and feeling at the time of planning. It will reflect where we were, our stage of development, and our priorities at the time. And it is okay if we would do it differently five years later. It can only be perfect if it truly reflects us. So we made sure to ask ¨why?¨ a lot, challenged the ¨norms¨ where we saw fitting, and ultimately came out feeling confident that the decisions we made were really our own, whether or not we have ever seen it done before, and whether or not we thought they were the decisions other people would make. It was our wedding, and we needed it to be a meaningful wedding, not a default wedding. A few of the most important elements and decisions we made are shown here.

                                                     Engagement Ring:

When first looking at engagement rings, Rachel had her eyes on vintage rings. Rachel's grandmother had left behind some jewelry, as well as a diamond for each of her granddaughters. While looking through some of the jewelry, Rachel found a beautiful band that had some very delicate filigree on it. She immediately loved it, but it had no diamond in it, and was chipped and worn away in areas. We both took it in to a jeweler to see if it could be restored, and took a few of the other rings with diamonds in to see if they could tell which diamond, if any, originally belonged to this ring. We were surprised and pleased to learn that they could easily restore the structure of the band. Also, by determining the very old style of cut and size of one of the diamonds, it was almost without doubt the original and could be reset. This completed Rachel's ideal even more than she imagined. She was so honored to wear a ring that has been in the family, that symbolizes continuing a family legacy of strong marriages. 

First Look Location:

We decided to do our first look in the exact same spot that Devin proposed. It seemed perfectly fitting to begin our wedding together in the same place that Rachel said, "I do."

Trellis:

The trellis that covered us as we said our vows was built by Greg, Rachel's dad, specifically for the wedding. This was so meaningful to us; it was the perfect symbol of his overarching love and protection, and is yet another example of how he has provided for his daughter throughout her life.

Dress:

Rachel's dress was one of a kind. She designed it with a small business owner in Barcelona, and made sure that it was exactly as she wanted, keeping it simple but with unique touches. It was important to her to support a small business, as well as get to put her personal touch on the dress. 

Reading:

The reading that we chose for our ceremony was perfect for us. We gave a lot of thought to what we wanted read, and we thought the message of this reading was applicable to our relationship and the day and age in which we live. We had a close friend read it, and hope that the message was both thought-provoking, and encouraging to all.
¨... this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom...¨

Tree Planting:

One of the very meaningful parts of our ceremony was the planting of the tree. This was an idea we had since the early stages of planning and we are so glad we included it. We first had each of our parents add soil from each of our home states, which symbolized our foundation and roots, and our family's love and support that has shaped us into who we are today. Then, the following message was shared:

¨Let your relationship and your love for each other be like this tree you plant today. Let it grow tall and strong. Let it stand tall during the harsh winds, rain, and storms, and come through unscathed. Like a tree, your marriage must be resilient. It must weather the challenges of life and passage of time. And just like the tree you are planting, marriage requires constant nurturing and nourishment. Remember to nourish one another with words of encouragement, trust, and love.  This is needed on a daily basis so you can grow and reach your fullest potential, just like this tree.¨

Then Devin and I each poured water into the base of the tree. We loved this symbol of unity that looks to the future and acknowledges the continual effort that growth as a couple will require.

Attendee Vow:

It was important to us that the attendees of our wedding were not just there to “watch” us, but to participate in supporting and beginning this journey with us, just as they have contributed to our lives up until this point. We intentionally invited people to our wedding who have played a role in shaping us into who we are today. We really believe that the joining of our lives is something we cannot do on our own, but will continue to need the love, wisdom, and support of everyone who was there. We believe that marriage (especially today) is up against many difficult elements, and it really ¨takes a village¨ to maintain marital health. So we asked everyone present to take a vow, as well. It was hugely meaningful to feel that our guests were an active part of our union, and to know that we are surrounded by such love, wisdom, support... and accountability.

Officiant: “Will you who are present here today, continue to surround this couple 

with the love and joy of your friendship? Will you support this couple in their relationship 

by offering them your wisest counsel in times of conflict, comfort them with your thoughtful

 concern, and celebrate with them in moments of joy? Will you guide them towards 

choices that are in-line, and encourage them to maintain the vows they are 

making to one another today?¨

Guests respond: "We Will.¨

Choir:

Although it is hard to choose, this may have been our favorite part of the ceremony. Choosing music for a wedding of two musicians was difficult! We knew that we wanted live music, but we have so many talented friends who we really wanted to be involved. We decided that it would be the most meaningful if they could all sing. So we asked a handful of our closest friends to sing in a choir that would be conducted by Rachel's dad. They sung the piece ¨This Marriage¨ by Eric Whitacre, which is breathtaking (especially when sung by people who mean the world to us!), and delivers a message that describes the kind of marriage we hope to have. It was perfect, and we are so thankful that everyone put in the time to rehearse together and offered their many talents to create such a beautiful moment.

Officiant:

It was important to us that the person who married us be somebody who knew us well. We had read all about different ways to select an officiant, but we felt most of all that it had to be somebody who was a real part of our relationship, and who could speak into our lives with knowledge of our journey. Dave has been a friend and mentor for the years that we lived in Iowa City, and we have deeply cherished his wisdom and perspective. During the times that we got together to discuss the wedding and our marriage, we were always met with grace and understanding towards whatever the topic was. We appreciated the freedom and flexibility that Dave offered to let our wedding be unique and meaningful to us specifically, while helping to guide through important matters - both those unique to ours and common to every wedding. We admire Dave on so many levels, and we were honored that he would officiate the ceremony for us.

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We would love to know, from those of you who also have had weddings, what aspects of ours were most important or meaningful to you? Is there anything, now looking back, that you would have done differently?
If you're not married, is there anything you imagine as a "must have" if you do have a wedding?
If you attended our wedding, we'd love to know if you noticed any of the things mentioned in this post!
Please share any thoughts you may have!! :-)

*All Photos Copyright Expressions Photography