Wedding Recap Pt 2: The Essential Elements

Throughout the wedding planning process, we had a lot of difficulty deciding how to structure our events. Every wedding site or blog we went to had a different perspective, and we quickly became overwhelmed with options. It was very important to us that everything in our wedding had meaning. We didn't want to do anything just because you are "supposed" to. At the beginning of the process, we worried about looking back on our wedding and regretting aspects or decisions we made. We wanted to be sure we didn't ever look back at the pictures and think, "That was foolish!" or "That was pointless" or "Why didn't we include such and such?" But we quickly realized that trying to plan a timeless wedding is silly in itself. Our wedding will be linked to what we were thinking, experiencing, and feeling at the time of planning. It will reflect where we were, our stage of development, and our priorities at the time. And it is okay if we would do it differently five years later. It can only be perfect if it truly reflects us. So we made sure to ask ¨why?¨ a lot, challenged the ¨norms¨ where we saw fitting, and ultimately came out feeling confident that the decisions we made were really our own, whether or not we have ever seen it done before, and whether or not we thought they were the decisions other people would make. It was our wedding, and we needed it to be a meaningful wedding, not a default wedding. A few of the most important elements and decisions we made are shown here.

                                                     Engagement Ring:

When first looking at engagement rings, Rachel had her eyes on vintage rings. Rachel's grandmother had left behind some jewelry, as well as a diamond for each of her granddaughters. While looking through some of the jewelry, Rachel found a beautiful band that had some very delicate filigree on it. She immediately loved it, but it had no diamond in it, and was chipped and worn away in areas. We both took it in to a jeweler to see if it could be restored, and took a few of the other rings with diamonds in to see if they could tell which diamond, if any, originally belonged to this ring. We were surprised and pleased to learn that they could easily restore the structure of the band. Also, by determining the very old style of cut and size of one of the diamonds, it was almost without doubt the original and could be reset. This completed Rachel's ideal even more than she imagined. She was so honored to wear a ring that has been in the family, that symbolizes continuing a family legacy of strong marriages. 

First Look Location:

We decided to do our first look in the exact same spot that Devin proposed. It seemed perfectly fitting to begin our wedding together in the same place that Rachel said, "I do."

Trellis:

The trellis that covered us as we said our vows was built by Greg, Rachel's dad, specifically for the wedding. This was so meaningful to us; it was the perfect symbol of his overarching love and protection, and is yet another example of how he has provided for his daughter throughout her life.

Dress:

Rachel's dress was one of a kind. She designed it with a small business owner in Barcelona, and made sure that it was exactly as she wanted, keeping it simple but with unique touches. It was important to her to support a small business, as well as get to put her personal touch on the dress. 

Reading:

The reading that we chose for our ceremony was perfect for us. We gave a lot of thought to what we wanted read, and we thought the message of this reading was applicable to our relationship and the day and age in which we live. We had a close friend read it, and hope that the message was both thought-provoking, and encouraging to all.
¨... this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom...¨

Tree Planting:

One of the very meaningful parts of our ceremony was the planting of the tree. This was an idea we had since the early stages of planning and we are so glad we included it. We first had each of our parents add soil from each of our home states, which symbolized our foundation and roots, and our family's love and support that has shaped us into who we are today. Then, the following message was shared:

¨Let your relationship and your love for each other be like this tree you plant today. Let it grow tall and strong. Let it stand tall during the harsh winds, rain, and storms, and come through unscathed. Like a tree, your marriage must be resilient. It must weather the challenges of life and passage of time. And just like the tree you are planting, marriage requires constant nurturing and nourishment. Remember to nourish one another with words of encouragement, trust, and love.  This is needed on a daily basis so you can grow and reach your fullest potential, just like this tree.¨

Then Devin and I each poured water into the base of the tree. We loved this symbol of unity that looks to the future and acknowledges the continual effort that growth as a couple will require.

Attendee Vow:

It was important to us that the attendees of our wedding were not just there to “watch” us, but to participate in supporting and beginning this journey with us, just as they have contributed to our lives up until this point. We intentionally invited people to our wedding who have played a role in shaping us into who we are today. We really believe that the joining of our lives is something we cannot do on our own, but will continue to need the love, wisdom, and support of everyone who was there. We believe that marriage (especially today) is up against many difficult elements, and it really ¨takes a village¨ to maintain marital health. So we asked everyone present to take a vow, as well. It was hugely meaningful to feel that our guests were an active part of our union, and to know that we are surrounded by such love, wisdom, support... and accountability.

Officiant: “Will you who are present here today, continue to surround this couple 

with the love and joy of your friendship? Will you support this couple in their relationship 

by offering them your wisest counsel in times of conflict, comfort them with your thoughtful

 concern, and celebrate with them in moments of joy? Will you guide them towards 

choices that are in-line, and encourage them to maintain the vows they are 

making to one another today?¨

Guests respond: "We Will.¨

Choir:

Although it is hard to choose, this may have been our favorite part of the ceremony. Choosing music for a wedding of two musicians was difficult! We knew that we wanted live music, but we have so many talented friends who we really wanted to be involved. We decided that it would be the most meaningful if they could all sing. So we asked a handful of our closest friends to sing in a choir that would be conducted by Rachel's dad. They sung the piece ¨This Marriage¨ by Eric Whitacre, which is breathtaking (especially when sung by people who mean the world to us!), and delivers a message that describes the kind of marriage we hope to have. It was perfect, and we are so thankful that everyone put in the time to rehearse together and offered their many talents to create such a beautiful moment.

Officiant:

It was important to us that the person who married us be somebody who knew us well. We had read all about different ways to select an officiant, but we felt most of all that it had to be somebody who was a real part of our relationship, and who could speak into our lives with knowledge of our journey. Dave has been a friend and mentor for the years that we lived in Iowa City, and we have deeply cherished his wisdom and perspective. During the times that we got together to discuss the wedding and our marriage, we were always met with grace and understanding towards whatever the topic was. We appreciated the freedom and flexibility that Dave offered to let our wedding be unique and meaningful to us specifically, while helping to guide through important matters - both those unique to ours and common to every wedding. We admire Dave on so many levels, and we were honored that he would officiate the ceremony for us.

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We would love to know, from those of you who also have had weddings, what aspects of ours were most important or meaningful to you? Is there anything, now looking back, that you would have done differently?
If you're not married, is there anything you imagine as a "must have" if you do have a wedding?
If you attended our wedding, we'd love to know if you noticed any of the things mentioned in this post!
Please share any thoughts you may have!! :-)

*All Photos Copyright Expressions Photography

Wedding Recap Pt.1: The Evolution of the Wedding Venue

The nature of having grown up in one place, gone to college in a completely different place, and currently living in an even MORE completely different place, means that many of our loved ones were not able to attend our wedding. Of course we understand this, but we just want to recap some of the highlights of our wedding for those who couldn't be there. It was such an important day, as we began our life of sole commitment to one another, and we want to share it with everyone we know and love!

                                           Part One: The Evolution of the Wedding Venue

Many people who came to our wedding asked us, ¨How did you find this place??¨ It really is a story, which is somewhat humorous simply because I don't know anybody else who changed their wedding plans as many times as we did. So we wanted to share with you the whole process, and how we landed where we did. Backing up to when we first got engaged, this is the journey of our thoughts and plans:

1.We first planned to have a destination wedding in Colorado with about 30 people. We were going to rent a big house and spend all weekend hiking and playing games and then have a tiny ceremony in the back yard with a mountain view and a bonfire afterwards.

2. Then we thought, "Wait... there are so many people we still want to celebrate with, so we will have the intimate wedding PLUS a reception in both Oregon and Iowa. So... then we will be planning three events instead of one... of course all while Rachel is in Europe, and Devin in the USA!" So we reluctantly gave up the Colorado dream, but thought we could still have a ¨destination¨ wedding... in Iowa City. We would just have a really intimate ceremony as if we were far away, and then a big party a couple of days later. This felt like a nice compromise.

3. Logistics, logistics, logistics. They were so sticky! Who would come to what, how would traveling and timing and venues work out... so finally we thought, "Okay, maybe we'll only have ONE event, and we will embrace the idea of the Iowa wedding, (because after all, Rachel is abnormally in love with Iowa), and it is the first place we lived near each other as adults, so it holds a lot of meaning. We will have one event here, but we will still keep the guest list intimate, and won't let it get out of hand just because it's in our hometown."

4. We drove around to every barn and farm and outdoor spot we could imagine for a wedding venue. We dreamt up some incredible plans for the wedding in ideal weather and perfect conditions, but we kept remembering that the wedding was in Iowa... the land of bipolar and unpredictable weather!

One of the places we considered doing a small ceremony.

Trying to visualize this place for the
ceremony (this is where we got engaged, and
where we ended up doing our first look as well).

So we finally decided that we'd better keep it safe, and therefore chose a barn in town that is commonly used as a wedding venue, even though neither of us were very happy about it. It felt too cliche for us, and we wanted something more unique. But it had air conditioning, which was essential for a summer wedding in Iowa. We booked the venue, set the date for August 4th, and Rachel moved to Europe a few days later, relieved that at least the foundations were in place!

5. All summer long, Rachel was working in Switzerland and Devin was in the States, but every time we chatted about the wedding, we both were disappointed that despite all our efforts to find something truly unique for our wedding, we ended up with such a normal, functional venue. But again, with unpredictable weather in August, and no possibility of doing it after school had started, we felt we had no choice. When Rachel moved to Barcelona, she was given a copy of the Spanish ¨convenio¨ - which is basically the worker's bill of rights. One line caught her eye: ¨Every staff member receives 15 days for marriage.¨ Hold up. Say what?!

6. Rachel immediately asked other staff members about this and sure enough - you are allowed two weeks of paid time off to get married! Through much conversation, we realized that the better option would be to have the wedding later on so we could spend the summer actually PLANNING the wedding, rather then doing all of it from far away. We could experience a couple of months actually being engaged and being together; we could get married in a time with better weather in Iowa; it was sounding better and better...

7. We decided to move our wedding date to October 5th. We both were exploding with excitement at getting to have a Fall wedding, as we are both strangely obsessed with the Fall season. We contacted our venue to change the date (we already checked that it was open), and it turns out that the 5th was U of I homecoming, so the cost of the venue was triple what it was in August. Hm, were we going to pay triple the price for a venue we never wanted in the first place? No! So... we cancelled! Back to ground zero!

8. Devin and Norma, Rachel's mom, took on the duty of re-visiting all the barns, farms, shelters, and really going back to the drawing board. Through a friend of a friend, Devin heard of this farm out near West Branch which had an unused barn. The woman who owned it was recently widowed and was hoping to do something with the barn. So Devin went out to look at it, and what he found was really... a barn. Just a barn. Full of dirt, cobwebs, goats, old machinery and furniture... but being the visionary that he is, he noticed the potential. Through much conversation with the owner, she agreed to let us use it if we would help fix it up. I don't know if we realized what a HUGE undertaking this would be when we committed to it, but we loved the idea of having a space that we have poured ourselves into, that we created ourselves, and that nobody else had ever used. So, we decided to go for it!

9. The next year was spent working out logistics of how to hold an event someplace that has no electricity, bathrooms, water, level flooring, or a safe and secure layout. There were many times that we asked ourselves, ¨What were we thinking??¨ But we believed it would be worth it. As soon as the winter weather moved on, Devin began spending hours on the farm - little by little clearing things out, tearing up boards, cutting and burning brush in the grove outside. When the summer came, he was at the barn every single day, basically dawn to dusk. Rachel was taking care of all the other details, but Devin was working day in and day out on the barn itself.
                               
                                                     The original state of the barn:

We had new cement poured.

And even got to put our initials in it.

A new staircase was built from old barn wood.

10. With the help of many friends and family, things began to shape up. People were lending us machinery, giving up their time to help on projects, recommending electricians, etc. It was incredible to see people come together to help us make our vision a reality.

Trying to put things together a couple of days before the wedding.

We covered up the garage with lattice and laminate board
 for a projection screen.
Copyright Expressions Photography

Devin tore out shelves all along this wall, and had to
 go around and level each of the tables with shims.
Copyright Expressions Photography

A chandelier that Devin made out of wagon wheels found in
Rachel's grandparents' yard.
Copyright Expressions Photography

After major dusting, we used the furniture that was in
the barn for our beverage station.
Copyright Expressions Photography

This sums up the evolution of our wedding venue. Hopefully it answers some of your questions, or gives you a better idea of our thought process along the way. We may have only spent a few hours in it at our actual wedding, but we really felt that the heart and soul of everyone and everything that went into it transcended the mere space and time. It created a kind of warmth and comfort and celebration of our new union that we hope all can say, as we can even now, continues with us to this day and beyond. Many thanks to everyone who helped in this incredible task; we couldn't have pulled it off without you.

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So what about you? Have you ever taken the long road intentionally? Was it worth it? Tell us about it! 

The Background

Some of you reading may know more about the background story of how we got to where we are....and others may know less, so this post is going to be a quick ¨catch up¨ for those who may be a little confused. And we really mean QUICK catch up. Here is the very surface...

Timeline:

2006: Devin and Rachel met at APU, lived directly above/beneath each other in their freshman dorm, and were in the same orchestra. They had three classes together, and walked to and from class together chit chatting, but not thinking much of it. At the end of freshmen year, their choir/orchestra toured South Korea together, and then they pretty much forgot about each other...


until....

2009: Rachel returns from a semester abroad, and re-joins the choir for which Devin is still the accompanist. Rachel catches Devin's eye, they have a funny first ¨date¨, and become immediately attached at the hip...(although for the first month, pretty much all they did was argue). They couldn't pull themselves away from each other.

The very early days

For our one year anniversary, we went to build-a-bear before
the epic scavenger hunt that Devin planned.

2010: Rachel and Devin graduate from APU, after over a year of being best friends and dating. Unsure of what was ¨next¨, they each went to their prospective states while they figured it out.

2011: Devin made the big move to Iowa, where they continued to date while both flirting with life in the ¨real world¨.

Showing Devin the real Iowa experience of squeaky cheese

Another authentic Iowan experience- Pella Tulip Time

2012: Rachel gets offered her dream job in Barcelona. Devin proposes. Finding work for Devin in Barcelona wasn't as easy as either of them imagined, so life as a long-distance engaged couple begins. Throughout the process, Devin and Rachel spend a few weeks in Europe soaking up what they can out of their engagement period.

 

     Lugano, Switzerland, August 2012

Madeira, Portugal, February 2013

Valencia, Spain, May 2013

Como, Italy, March 2013

2013: After a 17 month engagement, Rachel and Devin tie the knot, and Devin (finally!) joins Rachel in Spain.

Copyright Expressions Photography

Copyright Expressions Photography

And that brings us to today - we are finally together, living what we dreamt of for so many years, in a city with sunshine, beaches, mountains, and tapas galore!

We know our story is a little confusing, even we struggle to remember when we were where and how everything unfolded! But hopefully this gives you some context for how we got to where we are. We wouldn't trade it for anything, and we have only just begun...

The Beginning

We have jumped on the bandwagon, so... welcome to our new blog! This has been something we have had in our minds for a while, simply because we are currently planted far across the world from most of the people we know and love! Since it is logistically impossible to start a separate email thread or set up a skype date with everyone we care about, the purpose of this blog is to fill in the blanks and to open up a conversation.

We want to share stories, we want to hear stories, we want to ask questions, we want to answer questions... we want to use this as a means to still feel like we are walking through life with people who are not in our current location. So please, talk to us! Respond! Ask questions! Share something in return! Really, we can't imagine anything sadder than sitting down with a friend to share a story and getting only a silent, blank stare in response... and that is how we feel while imagining someone we know reading our posts, and then just closing the window without saying anything in return. We want to know your stories and thoughts, and we do care very much about each of you, and it is the whole reason we started this blog (even though we feel too busy to even try to keep it up)!

For the purpose of knowing who our audience is, we are going to have the blog be a closed blog - not to shut people out, but quite the opposite! Knowing to whom we are writing will help us know what to write. All you have to do is give us your email address to request access, and we will gladly accept! We really do want to know those we are talking to and sharing life's stories and photos with. This isn’t so much about privacy concerns as it is about the fact that we both really don’t like one-sided conversations... they are not an element of any real or good relationship.

We will keep it open for a little bit, but will soon make it ¨closed¨ - so just let us know if you'd like access to join our small attempt to get people sharing life’s adventures!

Okay, now we got the awkward first post out of the way... stay tuned for the real stuff!